- Complete disregard for sartorial norms. Pyjamas till noon? Sure. Sequins with tracksuit pants? Obvs. While toddlers inherently understand that some days need more sparkles and superhero capes than others, us Iso-dults are only just twigging that dressing like the love child of Helena Bonham Carter and Carole Baskin can add a serious mood boost to your day.
- Naps for daysssssssss. Enough said.
3. Forget breakfast, lunch and dinner. Now it’s early breakfast, second breakfast, morning tea, brunch, lunch entree, main lunch, Mum-I’m-hungry-can I-have-something-to-eat, afternoon tea, now real afternoon tea not just fruit, linner, aperitivo, dinner, dessert, supper, bed snacks, midnight snacks and half-past midnight snacks. And who knew that crackers could be an entire food group?
4. A complete inability to measure time. Any parent will know the very specific pain of a dawdling toddler with absolutely zero awareness of how late you’re going to be for work unless you leave now. Right now. PUT YOUR SHOES ON, I SAID NOW. But with our normal timetable turned on its head, suddenly Monday to Friday have been replaced with vague chronological landmarks, like ‘Bin Night’, ‘New “Housewives” Day’, ‘When Was The Last Time I Washed These Towels? Day’ and ‘Enough Time Since Breakfast To Start Thinking About Wine’. It could be 10am, it could be midnight, it could be today, it could be next week; just make sure I haven’t missed linner.
5. Irrational meltdowns. As far as tantrums go, I thought I’d seen it all when my two year old lost it because I didn’t give her ‘dry water’ (still trying to work that one out), but then coronavirus struck, and suddenly the gloves are off for who can reach peak ridiculous. Much like a misunderstood threenager, there are so many things to set us off in this pandemic world: slow internet because the whole world is watching Netflix at the same time; annoying feedback because someone’s not wearing headphones on the Zoom chat; your online supermarket delivery finally arriving at what feels like three years since you placed the order, only to find half the items are now unavailable; and don’t even get me started on the mysterious gremlin who keeps drinking all the wine in the house and now I have to order more…
6. An utterly disproportionate belief in your own talents. From shoelaces and seat belts, to reaching that book on the very top shelf and what do you mean I can’t drive the car, Mummy, I’ve seen you do it and it’s easy; age and ability have never dissuaded the most determined of toddlers. So too, the Iso-dult who suddenly mistakes a vague interest in watching renovation shows on TV as equivalent to a Masters in Architecture with accompanying DIY renovation skills. Or the person who’s used to dishing out spag bol four nights a week suddenly attempting gourmet, flambé, soufflé, homemade, homespun, homegrown, head blown. Or hell, attempting to combine working, teaching, cleaning, parenting and being a cordon bleu chef into one 24 hour period. Call it adaptability or call it blind faith, I say the world deserves a collective A for effort. And seriously, has anyone seriously made sourdough successfully?
7. Sippy cups. As in, lots of sipping from many cups (of wine). No judgement.