OK, so it took us all a little bit of time to get our heads around the “new normal”, but fast forward many (long, laborious) weeks and we’ve got the whole iso life thing sorted. One point for every one of the below you’re guilty of and congratulations, you’ve officially won the pandemic.
- You have wiped down any of the following with some form of antiseptic or cleaning product: the car steering wheel; shopping bags; your takeaway coffee lid; hand sanitiser.
- You have a ‘favourite’ face mask.
- You now officially own more cleaning products than cosmetics and what’s more you can tell the specific germ-killing properties of each and everyone of them.
- You’ve received an ‘Action Blocked’ message from Instagram for liking too many photos in a short amount of time.
- You haven’t worn anything that doesn’t have an elasticised waistband for approximately 6 weeks and you’re secretly not sure you can ever go back to those shackles they call skinny jeans ever again.
- The Netflix ‘are you still watching?’ screen is your reminder to go take a shower.
- You’ve DIYed any of the following around the house: painting; gardening; furniture assembling; relaxed-Hamptons-inspired-outdoor-retreat-with-feature-bungalow building.
- You now consider someone extending their arm for a handshake the equivalent of giving you the finger.
- You haven’t seen friends or families in person for weeks, but still go out to get your daily flat white from your favourite cafe because, you know, coffee.
- You’ve named your sourdough starter.
- You will never have to buy toilet paper or paper towels again until the year 2036.
- You’ve completed a Matrix-style backbend to avoid someone getting within 1.5m of your personal space.
- You’ve gone from rarely touching anything stronger than a light beer to ordering home delivery cocktails by the litre because it’s important to support local business during this tough time and they just come in the cutest bottles so, you know, Art.
- You managed to master Zoom, House Party, Skype and Teams in less than 48 hours, but still can’t work out how to change the time on your microwave.
Got any more? Leave a comment!